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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25398127">i knew from the first time (i'd stay for a long time)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsicalMedley/pseuds/whimsicalMedley'>whimsicalMedley</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining Iwaizumi Hajime, Pining Oikawa Tooru, Protective Oikawa Tooru, Romance, Stargazing, Trans Iwaizumi Hajime, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Volleyball Dorks in Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:20:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,100</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25398127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsicalMedley/pseuds/whimsicalMedley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"So this is how it's going to go: you're <i>never</i> going to call Iwa-chan that again, and you're letting him on the team. Otherwise, I walk. Got it?" Oikawa's smile had sharpened to something deadly, and something warm sprung to life in Hajime's chest.</p><p>After a tense silence, the captain nodded once and stormed away. Oikawa turned to the rest of the team with that same smile, pinning them all in place with his eyes.</p><p>"Anyone else have a problem?" He asked sweetly, and they all averted their gaze, "that's what I thought."</p><p>Suddenly, Hajime had a realization that hit him like a ton of bricks.</p><p>  <i>Oh.</i></p><p>  <i>Oh god, I'm in love with my best friend.</i></p><p><i>Oh no.</i><br/>___</p><p>In which Hajime always knew he was different, learns how to be himself, and Oikawa loves him, regardless of the bullshit.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>428</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i knew from the first time (i'd stay for a long time)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>WHADDUP ive fallen into hq hell!!!!</p><p>anyways iwaizumi hajime is trans bc im trans and i say so!!!!</p><p>(fun fact: this is titled "trans iwaizumi brainrot" in google docs)</p><p>title is from I Like Me Better by Lauv</p><p>enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hajime doesn't remember a time before Oikawa.</p><p>Their mothers had been friends long before they were born, and so there wasn't even a time <em> to </em> remember. Hajime had heard the story of their first meeting so many times that he could almost picture it. Hajime's mother had gone to the Oikawa's house, Hajime in tow. She'd placed her baby next to baby Oikawa, and for minutes, all they did was stare at each other curiously.</p><p>Then, in a very in character action, Hajime smacked him.</p><p>
  <em> ("Wow Iwa-chan, you were brute even back then!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Shut up, Shittykawa.") </em>
</p><p>Oikawa, predictably, started wailing immediately. Hajime's mother started apologizing hurriedly, to which Oikawa's mother laughed heartily.</p><p>"Don't worry! Tooru here is a complete crybaby already." She'd said.</p><p>"It seems <strike> Keiko </strike> is going to be a rough girl, huh?" Oikawa's father snorted.</p><p>"Oh absolutely. She'll be able to take care of herself, no problem." Hajime's mother said proudly.</p><p>Well. They were partially right.</p><hr/><p>The years went on, and the two boys were inseparable.</p><p>Every morning, Hajime's mother would open the door to see a beaming Tooru looking back at her.</p><p>"Can <strike> Kei-chan </strike> come play?" He asked, bouncing on his heels.</p><p>"Of course Tooru! She's getting ready now."</p><p>A few seconds later, Hajime appeared at the door.</p><p>"Let's go, Tooru! I got a new net!" Hajime exclaimed, grabbing Tooru's hand and dragging him outside.</p><p>"<strike> Kei-chan </strike>, bugs are gross!"</p><p>"No they're not! You're just a crybaby!"</p><p>"Meanie! Take that back!"</p><p>The day would always end the same: Hajime stuffing a bug down Tooru's shirt with a laugh, causing Tooru to shriek and burst into tears. Every night, he'd claim that he and Hajime were no longer friends, but he always came back the next morning.</p><p>Hajime could admit, at least to himself, that he wouldn't trade Tooru for anyone.</p><hr/><p>Their first day of school involved lots of tears from their mothers. Tooru's mother demanded that he hold Hajime's hand as they walked through the school, which he did without complaint. They held hands all the time anyway.</p><p>"I'm nervous," Tooru whispered as they arrived at their classroom.</p><p>"Don't be a baby, it's gonna be fine," Hajime replied with a roll of his eyes, but the squeeze he gave Tooru's hand betrayed him.</p><p>"If you're sure…" Tooru replied, but his face wasn't as pale as it was beforehand.</p><p>The thing was, it wasn't.</p><p>The kids thought Tooru was weird, and Hajime had a temper that scared the class. They spent most of their time alone with each other, which was just fine for Hajime. If they were gonna call Tooru a freak, he didn't want anything to do with them. Tooru was a different story.</p><p>Tooru had always needed to be accepted and well liked, Hajime realized. He wanted people to love him, and when they didn't, he thought it was his fault. Tooru thought that if he got better, everyone would like him, but Hajime knew better. To be loved by everyone was impossible.</p><p>(Hajime was a very wise child.)</p><p>But still. Hajime knew how much it affected Tooru. Knew he'd try to hide his tears, and fail, and get called a crybaby and a girl and a bunch of other mean things. And Hajime, for all he pretended otherwise, cared about Tooru. A lot. He was his best friend, after all.</p><p>So Hajime started fighting.</p><p>It was at recess. The same boy as every day, taunting Tooru. Calling him a sissy and a loser, and Hajime saw the waterworks coming from a mile away. It pissed him off, and he was so tired of seeing Tooru sad. So, he did what any reasonable kid would do; he punched the kid in the face.</p><p>"Leave him <em> alone!" </em> He shouted, glaring down at the boy, who had crumpled to the ground. His nose was bleeding, and tears sprung into his eyes.</p><p>"Who's the crybaby now, you jerk!" Hajime turned to see the entire playground staring at him. Tooru's mouth was hanging open, his tears forgotten.</p><p>"Anyone else wanna pick on Tooru?" Hajime glared, and was met with silence, "good. That's what I thought."</p><p>Naturally the teachers found out, and Hajime was dragged out of class, head hung low. They reprimanded him, called his parents, and talked about sending him to anger management classes.</p><p>"I wouldn't be so angry if they left Tooru alone," Hajime grumbled from the back seat, and his mother turned to him.</p><p>"I'm happy you're sticking up for your friend, <strike> Keiko </strike>. I am. But that doesn't mean you can start hitting people unprovoked! You broke that boy's nose!" She exclaimed, and Hajime shrunk into himself</p><p>"Sorry mom," he whispered.</p><p>His mother sighed, and ruffled his hair softly.</p><p>"You're forgiven, kiddo. Next time, grab a teacher though. Okay?"</p><p>Hajime agreed.</p><p>
  <em> (Tooru snuck into Hajime's room that night, tearfully. </em>
</p><p><em> "I'm so sorry I got you in trouble, </em> <strike> <em> Keiko </em> </strike> <em> !" He wailed, and Hajime shushed him urgently. </em></p><p>
  <em> "Shut up, don't let my parents hear you! Anyway, you're not the one who got me in trouble. It was that boy. Nobody is allowed to pick on you but me," Hajime replied, and Tooru stared at him in awe. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "What?" Hajime asked, his face turning pink, "I'm not lying!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tooru crushed Hajime in a hug, sniffling that Hajime was his very best friend and that he was the best. Hajime eventually hugged him back with a sigh, hiding his bright red face in Tooru's shoulder. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They fell asleep like that, unaware of the scolding that was in store for them in the morning.) </em>
</p><hr/><p>When they were eleven, Hajime realized he was different from the girls in his class.</p><p>He hated skirts and blouses, but everyone chalked it up to him being a tomboy. He would fight the urge to cringe when someone called him a "she" or even his first name.</p><p>
  <em> "It's too girly!" </em>
</p><p>When Hajime finally got his period, he cried for thirty minutes.</p><p>His body felt <em> wrong. </em> It felt gross. Some days, it even felt like it wasn't even his.</p><p>Hajime did some digging. He turned to Google with questions that he always deleted the history of right after. They all pointed to the same thing: he was transgender. He wasn't a girl, had never been a girl at all. Hajime tried to refer to himself as "he" in his brain, and the feeling of euphoria that overcame him was dizzying.</p><p>Hajime was a boy. He was also scared shitless.</p><p>He had no idea how his parents would react. He had no idea how any of his family would react, for that matter. God, how would <em> Tooru </em> react? Would he hate Hajime? Stop talking to him?</p><p>Hajime didn't realize he was crying until a sob broke out of him.</p><p>
  <em> I can't tell anyone. I have to lie. I don't want him to hate me. I can't lose him. </em>
</p><hr/><p>Lying didn't last very long. If Hajime knew Tooru and knew when something was wrong, the opposite was true as well.</p><p>"Something's up with you, <strike> Kei-chan </strike>," Tooru proclaimed one day, after catching the volleyball they had been passing.</p><p>
  <em> Shit. </em>
</p><p>"What do you mean?" Hajime asked, face blank.</p><p>"You've been quieter. More passive. You seem sad, too. And you scowl whenever someone says your name," Tooru listed off, ducking under the net and walking to Hajime, "what's going on?"</p><p>"Nothing," Hajime replied roughly, and Tooru glared.</p><p>"We both know you're lying, <strike> Kei-chan </strike>–"</p><p>"Don't call me that!"</p><p>They both blinked in surprise at Hajime's outburst. To their horror, Hajime started to cry. He hid his face in his hands, and Tooru started to panic.</p><p>"What's wrong? What did I say? C'mon, please let me help–"</p><p>"I'm a boy, okay?" Hajime yelled, looking up at Tooru.</p><p>Tooru froze.</p><p>"I'm a boy. I'm not a girl, I've <em> never </em> been one, and I can't take it anymore. I hate skirts, I hate being called she, I hate my fucking name, and I hate that you're never going to talk to me after this! I don't know what I'm supposed to do–" Hajime's rambling got cut off by Tooru pulling him into a tight hug.</p><p>"How can you think I'd ever stop being your best friend?"</p><p>Now it was Hajime's turn to freeze.</p><p>"What?" He asked quietly, voice trembling.</p><p>"So you're a boy. Who cares? You're still my best friend. This doesn't change that," Tooru replied, and Hajime choked on a sob. Tooru started to rub his back soothingly, and Hajime's face crumpled as he buried it in Tooru's neck.</p><p>"It's gonna be okay. Trust me."</p><p>All Hajime could do was grip the back of Tooru's shirt tightly while he tried not to wail.</p><hr/><p>Months passed, and Oikawa (switching from Tooru to Oikawa had been recent; it was Hajime's idea, but he wasn't sure if he liked it) slowly began to understand what transgender meant. He'd never fully get what Hajime was going through; no, he'd never felt like his body was <em> wrong </em> (dysphoria, they'd read) or the sinking feeling in his chest whenever someone called Hajime a girl. But Oikawa was doing his best, and that's what mattered to Hajime.</p><p>
  <em> (Hey, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa called, and Hajime blinked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Iwa-chan?" He asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Well…" Oikawa scratched the back of his neck, "you said you hate when people call you your given name, right? I figured Iwa-chan would be better." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hajime blinked, and then smiled wider than usual. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "It is. Thanks, Oikawa." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hajime didn't notice the blush that crept up Oikawa's face.) </em>
</p><p>Oikawa was there to help him through the dysphoria, to remind him that there was nothing wrong with him, to help him pick out a new name.</p><p>
  <em> ("Takashi?" Oikawa propositioned, laying on Hajime's bed and scrolling through his phone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Nah," Hajime replied. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Hm." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> After a few minutes of silence, Oikawa cleared his throat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "What about Hajime? It means 'beginning.'" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hajime paused. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Actually, I really like that one." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "So…Hajime?" Oikawa asked, cocking his head to the side. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "…yeah," Hajime replied, a small smile on his face, "thanks." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Oikawa quickly averted his eyes.) </em>
</p><p>And one day, Oikawa finally brought it up.</p><p>"When are you gonna tell your parents?" He asked quietly, and Hajime took a deep breath.</p><p>"I don't know," he admitted, and Oikawa reached over to squeeze his hand.</p><p>"I can be there, if you want," he offered, and Hajime nodded slowly.</p><p>"That would help."</p><p>
  <em> (He ended up sitting his parents down a few weeks later, Oikawa sitting next to him, hand in hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I'm not a girl. I'm trans," Hajime said after a minute of tense silence, squeezing his eyes shut. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Oh, sweetheart," Hajime's mother breathed, standing up from the couch and pulling Hajime into a hug, "it's okay. You're our baby. We love you, no matter what." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hajime's father recovered from his surprise, jumping up and joining the hug. Hajime's breath stuttered. It was okay. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He met Oikawa's eyes to see him beaming.) </em>
</p><p>After a trip to the hair salon and a few clothing stores, Hajime felt like he could finally breathe. His new haircut brought a smile to his face, and the new clothes made him look more masculine. Like himself. A binder was bought, on its way to his house. His parents were calling him <em> Hajime </em> now. It was great.</p><p>The next problem was coming out at school.</p><hr/><p>Hajime's mother called the school to tell them the news. It didn't go over very well.</p><p>When he walked into school the next day, looking like a completely different person, everyone stared. Hajime just squared his shoulders and walked through the halls, Oikawa in tow. He refused to let them get to him.</p><p>"Hey, <strike> Keiko </strike>–"</p><p>Before Hajime could reply to the boy who'd walked up to them, Oikawa cut in.</p><p>"It's Hajime now, actually," Oikawa's tone was relaxed, but the look on his face was anything but. His smile was too sharp, and his eyes were cold.</p><p>
  <em> Disagree with me. I dare you. </em>
</p><p>The boy blinked, decided it wasn't worth it, and walked away. Hajime saw Oikawa let out a shaky breath. Oikawa then beamed at Hajime, declaring them almost late for class. They'd had plenty of time, but Hajime let it go.</p><p>Unfortunately, that wasn't the last of it.</p><p>Word spread quickly through the school, and by the end of the day, <em> everyone </em> was looking at Hajime as he walked through the halls. Even the teachers. Hajime kept his head high. It scared him, but he wasn't about to let them <em> see </em> that.</p><p>Oikawa greeted him by his locker, alternating between completely ignoring the stares and whispers, to meeting the gaze of someone with a chilly smile that made them stop in their tracks. Hajime played along. They walked out of the school together, doing their best to ignore the feeling of foreboding that made their stomachs feel heavy.</p><hr/><p>
  <em> Middle school will be better, Iwa-chan. I promise! </em>
</p><p>Oikawa was actually right. For once.</p><p>Middle school meant new teachers, new rules, and new discoveries. There was nothing either of them could do about their classmates, but Hajime had gotten used to them.</p><p>
  <em> (Hajime remembers the day Oikawa texted him to say to just go home without him. It was weird, but Hajime had been tired, so he did. The next day, his jaw nearly hit the ground when he saw Oikawa walking to his house with a black eye and busted lip. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "What happened to you?" Hajime yelled, practically sprinting to Oikawa, "who did this?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Nothing you need to worry about, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa laughed, and Hajime's eye twitched. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "The hell I don't! Who–" </em>
</p><p><em> "Seriously." Oikawa's voice had dropped, his expression suddenly solemn, "it's fine. They won't be bugging me </em> or <em> you again." </em></p><p>
  <em> That's how Hajime knew the fight had been over him.) </em>
</p><p>The best part about middle school was that the school <em> finally </em> let him on the boys volleyball team. They had been trying since Hajime came out, but the principal of the elementary school and coach of the team refused. They said they didn't want a "confused lady" on the team. Hajime's mother had walked out of the room in a fit of rage, claiming "if I had stayed, I would've gone to jail, so help me–"</p><p>When the two walked into the gym for tryouts, Hajime could feel the looks of disbelief that the upperclassmen were shooting him. Hajime was old news to the boys in his year, but unfortunately, there weren't a lot of first years there. Hajime <em> knew </em> they were looking to intimidate, to see him fail. Luckily, Oikawa had kept practicing with Hajime after school (because there was no way in hell he was staying on the girls team).</p><p>Tryouts went better than expected. Some of the boys were apprehensive, but that changed when they saw what Hajime could do. Oikawa and Hajime were a well oiled machine, perfectly in sync, and they dominated the court. Just like they'd always wanted to.</p><p>By the end of tryouts, Oikawa was beaming, and Hajime couldn't help the smile on his face. The rest of the boys had accepted Hajime onto the team without question, and it felt <em> amazing. </em> Finally having your skills acknowledged was almost as good as gender euphoria.</p><p>Almost.</p><hr/><p>The first two years of middle school passed quickly. Hajime and Oikawa finally had friends other than each other, which meant that the harassment from Hajime's peers eventually stopped. The entire team had seemingly adopted Hajime as their baby brother (much to his irritation and Oikawa's amusement), which meant that anyone seen bullying Hajime was swiftly dealt with. Hajime <em> really </em> liked his team.</p><p>Then it was their third year, and Kageyama Tobio entered their lives.</p><p>Here's the thing: Hajime always knew that Oikawa had a self destructive personality. He'd noticed it as a child, and did everything he could to bring Oikawa back from the brink of destroying himself. And he'd always managed it before. This time, it was different.</p><p>Hajime didn't <em> get </em> it. Kageyama was on their team. Yes, Kageyama was an amazing setter. Hajime wouldn't deny that. But Oikawa was blatantly disregarding his own skill and ignoring his health. And that terrified Hajime.</p><p>He wasn't sure what else he could do. He'd talked, he'd yelled, he'd forced Oikawa to stop practicing so much after their practices. It wasn't enough. Hajime knew something had to give. So when Oikawa called him late at night, sobbing in pain and saying <em> "my knee, it hurts and I can't get up, Hajime please–" </em> he wasn't totally surprised. He just wish he'd done more.</p><hr/><p>After the Kageyama Incident, and the following speech Hajime gave to <strike>(yelled at</strike>) Oikawa, he seemed to snap out of the haze he'd been in. Hajime was relieved; seeing his best friend act like that had been unsettling. Hajime vowed to do his best to make sure it never got that bad again.</p><p>And then, high school.</p><p>Aoba Johsai was a fresh start. As far as Hajime knew, none of the kids who taunted him as a child were going there. He wouldn't be Iwaizumi <strike>Keiko</strike>, the weird girl who decided to play dress up. No, he'd be Iwaizumi Hajime, a boy who hadn't hit puberty just yet, or something like that. His parents had talked to the school before the year started, and they had worked out a plan to make sure Hajime wouldn't have a rough time like before. It was going well.</p><p>Volleyball tryouts were a different story.</p><p>Turned out that the third year captain had a younger brother in Hajime's year. A younger brother that had gone to Kitagawa Daiichi. And apparently, that younger brother knew all about Hajime.</p><p>"My name is Iwaizumi Hajime, and I'm a wing spiker. Nice to meet you."</p><p>As soon as Hajime said his name, the captain scowled. Hajime had no idea why, but shrugged it off. Before the next boy could introduce himself, the captain's voice cut through the room.</p><p>"You're not playing, <strike> <em> Keiko </em> </strike> <em> ." </em></p><p>Hajime froze, and next to him, Oikawa inhaled sharply. The rest of the boys looked at the captain in confusion.</p><p>"In case you didn't realize, this is the <em> boys </em> volleyball team. But hey, the girls are holding tryouts in the gym next to us if you'd still like to play." The captain's voice was sweet, but Hajime could barely hear it through the blood pounding in his ears.</p><p>
  <em> I just got outed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I just got outed to the entire fucking team. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p>The coach started to reprimand the captain, but he wasn't having any of it. Realization started to dawn on the faces of the team, and Hajime could vaguely hear the captain hissing "I'm captain, I get to decide." and "a girl who's trying to be something she's not!" when Oikawa spoke up.</p><p>"If you kick Iwa-chan off the team, I'm off the team too." He said it lowly, but the entire gym heard it. Hajime's eyes widened as he whipped his head over to look at Oikawa, but Oikawa's eyes were set on the captain.</p><p>"In case you've forgotten, this team needs me. I didn't win the best setter award for nothing, after all!" Oikawa laughed, but it sent a chill down everyone's spine. Even Hajime's, "besides, I've seen your spikes. You could learn a thing or two from Iwa-chan."</p><p>The captain's eye twitched.</p><p>"So this is how it's going to go: you're <em> never </em> going to call Iwa-chan that again, and you're letting him on the team. Otherwise, I walk. Got it?" Oikawa's smile had sharpened to something deadly, and something warm sprung to life in Hajime's chest.</p><p>After a tense silence, the captain nodded once and stormed away. Oikawa turned to the rest of the team with that same smile, pinning them all in place with his eyes.</p><p>"Anyone else have a problem?" He asked sweetly, and they all averted their gaze, "that's what I thought."</p><p>Suddenly, Hajime had a realization that hit him like a ton of bricks.</p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Oh god, I'm in love with my best friend. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Oh no. </em>
</p><hr/><p>(After practice, Hajime grabbed Oikawa's arm and hauled him through the doors.</p><p>"Why," Hajime demanded, "why would you ever risk losing volleyball like that? Dumbass! You've worked too damn hard to just let something like this end it–"</p><p>"Because I don't want to play on a team that doesn't accept you."</p><p>Hajime froze.</p><p>"Oikawa…volleyball means <em> everything </em> to you," he muttered, and Oikawa smiled softly. Not the smile that he often gave to his many adoring fans, or even his parents. No, it was the smile only Hajime saw.</p><p>"Not as much as you do, Hajime. Don't forget that, okay?"</p><p>And god, if those words didn't seal Hajime's fate.</p><p>
  <em> I'm fucked. </em>
</p><hr/><p>Two years later and a fresh loss to <em> Karasuno </em> of all schools, Hajime was at the end of his rope. Iwaizumi Hajime was in love with Oikawa Tooru, the most infuriating bastard to ever exist, and there was nothing he could do about it.</p><p>He'd tried to get over it. Nothing helped. Nothing could stop the way he clenched his teeth whenever Oikawa was handed a confession by a pretty girl (objectively speaking, considering Hajime was gay as hell), or how he would resolutely refuse to even glance in Oikawa's direction when they were in the changing room.</p><p>(Changing had been weird at first and he hadn't done it in the open until that captain graduated. Hajime expected everyone to stare as he swapped his binder out for a sports bra, but nobody even glanced his way. It was refreshing.)</p><p>Hanamaki and Mattsukawa were under the impression that Oikawa felt the same. Hajime knew better. Oikawa Tooru was as straight as an arrow, and there was no getting around that.</p><p>(The first time Hajime said this, the duo had laughed so hard they cried, much to Hajime's annoyance.</p><p>"Sure thing, <em> Iwa-chan," </em> Hanamaki snorted, and Hajime smacked him.</p><p>Later that day, Mattsun cornered him.</p><p>"You don't see the way he looks at you," he said.</p><p>"How does he look at me, then?" Hajime asked dubiously.</p><p>"Like you're the brightest star in the sky."</p><p>Hajime had no idea what to say to that.)</p><p>Hajime realized, with a jolt, that they were running out of time. They were going to different universities, and wouldn't see each other every day anymore. It was now or never. Hajime had to confess, because he was going <em> insane. </em></p><p>He was still working up the courage when Oikawa came over unannounced and declared that they would be going stargazing that night. Hajime, knowing that Oikawa would pout and whine obnoxiously if he said no, so he agreed. As soon as the sky started to darken, they were in Hajime's backyard, a blanket thrown under them. Hajime was laying on his back, while Oikawa leaned back on his hands, his eyes trained on the sky.</p><p>Oikawa was rambling; granted, he did that all the time, but tonight it was more than usual. He seemed…nervous. That didn't sit right with Hajime.</p><p>"What's wrong?" Hajime asked suddenly, cutting off Oikawa's rant about aliens definitely existing. Oikawa blanched.</p><p>"Nothing!" His voice was too high and strangled for it to be anything but a lie.</p><p>"Shittykawa, don't lie to me! Did you hurt your fucking knee again? I swear to god–"</p><p>"I'm in love with you."</p><p>Hajime blinked in surprise. Granted, so did Oikawa.</p><p>"That's why I brought you out here. I'm in love with you, and I've been in love with you since…since the beginning, probably. High school is almost over and it made me realize that this," he gestured between them, "is almost over. Everything is going to change. And I couldn't let you go without telling you."</p><p>To Hajime's horror, Oikawa began to tear up.</p><p>"It's okay that you don't feel the same–" Oikawa started, wiping at his eyes. But then the words fully registered in Hajime's brain, and he realized he was kind of being a complete idiot.</p><p>
  <em> He loves me too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Holy shit. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Why am I just laying here? </em>
</p><p>Hajime quickly sat up, and cut Oikawa off by pressing their lips together.</p><p>Oikawa made a noise of surprise, but Hajime ignored it and closed his eyes tightly. After a few seconds, Oikawa seemed to reboot, and he was kissing Hajime back frantically.</p><p>There weren't fireworks or any of the  dumb shit they write about. It wasn't that violent. It felt like a blanket around your shoulders, a reprive from a stressful day, a–</p><p>It felt like coming home.</p><p>Hajime broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against Oikawa's.</p><p>"Does that mean…?" Oikawa's voice was fragile, but full of hope.</p><p>"Yeah," Hajime replied, his face flushing, "I…love you too. Dumbass."</p><p>Oikawa's laughter rang through the night, and Hajime smiled.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>PLS TELL ME IF THAT WAS OOC I JUST STARTED GOING HERE XKDNDNMSSNSNSNANWKAJA</p><p>anyways yell at me abt the fic/trans iwa pls</p><p>twitter: IWASIMP</p></blockquote></div></div>
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